she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Randomize
