Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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