I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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