The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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