Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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