I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
