Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
