How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
