Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
