you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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