dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
