I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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