I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
