i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
