Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
