say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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