she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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