just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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