fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
