why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Randomize
