what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
