What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
