last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
