I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
