She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
