Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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