i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
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