The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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