Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
