sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
