just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
