I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
