Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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