Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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