Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
