i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
