I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Randomize
