i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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