theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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