drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
