last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
