I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
