Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
