I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Randomize
