Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Randomize
