Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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