It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
