I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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