They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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