I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
