You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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