Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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