It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
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