In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
