dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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