If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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